Online dating can be extremely exciting. It appeals to our innate desire for a quick fix, it causes a whole host of emotions to come to the fore including excitement and anticipation.
It’s thrilling to have someone find you attractive and the frisson often felt between new potential matches is addictive.
The flip side of that of course is that it can also cause feelings of loneliness, insecurity and hopelessness.
These feelings are not good for anyone, especially if you’re already depressed or have a tendency towards anxiety.
Most people who indulge in online dating do come up against rejection – and quite regularly too.
Research suggests that those using sites such as Match are experiencing high levels of dopamine which is known as “the feel-good chemical” and that makes them feel euphoric. What goes up however, must come down and the lows equal the highs in intensity.
If you want to keep your cool and your sanity during your online dating journey, it’s important that you don’t equate a successful match with success in general.
Don’t look for validation online
Seeking validation through dating is a dangerous game and you should definitely focus on your friends, family and hobbies more than you should focus on online dating. These “real” aspects of your life are the ones which will give you a genuine, long-lasting sense of self-confidence.
Another tip is to remember to be yourself. Don’t morph into something you think potential dates want. Stick to your own style, your unique likes and dislikes and you’ll have a much better chance of meeting someone who you can connect with on a genuine level.
Rejection happens – don’t take it to heart
If you do experience rejection, acknowledge the sadness and the feelings of not being “good enough” which will probably surface. Let others support you, discuss your feelings with friends and they can help you to move on.
This might have been good advice for some of the original executives at Tinder to take – especially Justin Mateen who during his time at Match Group’s most successful dating platform, let rejection get the better of him after his breakup with fellow founder Whitney Wolfe Herd.
Mateen subsequently lost face following action she brought against him and CEO Sean Rad.
Wolfe Herd’s complaint was that Mateen and Rad, had made her life at Tinder a living hell thanks to sexual harassment and even threats.
Sean Rad, whilst he did manage to briefly retain his position as CEO of Tinder, eventually lost it and things went from bad to worse for him.
One interview in particular did much damage to Rad’s reputation, especially as it seemed to paint him as more than a little ignorant.
Perhaps those in positions like Rad and Mateen need to consider not only the mental health of those using the apps they manage but also the mental health of their colleagues!